


It's not the end of the story

by 89luv (Wataemelon)



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, but with a hopeful ending!, definitely seungyul but more X1 focused, had to write smth to get my emo feelings out :(, hangyul pov, so this is pretty sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22344538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wataemelon/pseuds/89luv
Summary: Oh, and I'm afraid that's just the way the world worksIt ain't funny, it ain't pretty, it ain't sweetOh, and I'm afraid that's just the way the world worksBut I think that it could work for you and meJust wait and seeIt's not the end of the story- Conan Gray, The storyHangyul and Seungyoun spend their last night together before moving out of the dorms while talking about their feelings. Memories of X1 in the months before play between scenes for optimal sadness.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun & Lee Hangyul, Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31





	It's not the end of the story

**Author's Note:**

> As i explained in the summary, this fic cuts between hangyul and seungyoun during their last moments together before moving out, and X1 in the months before.
> 
> hopefully I don't hurt you as much as i hurt myself while writing this LOL

“Shouldn’t you start packing?” Seungyoun asks, a playful smile on his face.

He’s folding his shirts, and everytime he speaks its with a slight bit of laughter in his tone. He sounds bright, in ways it’s hard to be when your group has just been disbanded.

When Hangyul moves his gaze from its spot on the ceiling, towards his roommate of one more night, he can tell it’s a facade.

Seungyoun has taken on the role of the moodmaker of the team, and sometimes Hangyul wonders if he thinks that that means he needs to always be bright. Hangyul can tell he’s putting on a brave face.

“I will...soon,” he replies, and Seungyoun hums. Hangyul watches him pack, he sees the way Seungyoun’s expression drops every once in awhile, before he hides it again.

Hangyul likes to think he knows Seungyoun best, but really it’s unlikely. They haven’t even known each other for a year, Seungyoun has hundreds of friends who know him better.

But Hangyul likes to pretend.

It makes him feel better, makes him think that maybe despite all of this, they’ll be friends forever. He wants to think he won’t just be another one of Seungyoun’s thousands of acquaintances.

His biggest worry is that these months they’ve spent as roommates will evaporate, and Hangyul will be left with only memories.

It makes him laugh bitterly, because he could honestly live pretty well with just the memories. And it makes him feel stupid, because he’s only known Seungyoun for some months, but somewhere along the lines his brain had created a place just for Seungyoun. There in his memory, laid a little box filled with every moment, even the smallest ones. 

Seungyoun’s smile, Seungyoun’s laugh, the way he looks in the morning, the way he brushes his hair out of his face after dance practice.

Even now, or maybe more than ever, Hangyul can’t take his eyes off the older. Usually he’d worry about being caught, but time is ticking, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t live every part of every moment with Seungyoun while he can.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


Hangyul immediately learns that Seungyoun is probably the most lovable person in the entire show.

He’s never considered himself unpopular, and typically found it pretty easy to make friends, but Seungyoun is on another level.

He’s bright and funny, seemingly never running out of energy. He makes everyone laugh, but he softens up when someone needs help. 

Hangyul sees the way he exudes warmth, smiling in ways that makes everyone feel safe.

When Seungyoun talks to him he feels his chest go fuzzy in ways he can’t explain.

And Hangyul blames the fact that he can’t stop staring at the older on his powerful aura.

“He’s like...stupidly bright,” he says to Dohyon one day after dinner.

“Like, I can’t stop looking at him, but then he smiles and it’s actually fuckin’ blinding.”

Dohyon stares at him blankly, “that sounds like a crush.”

Hangyul nearly spits out the water he was drinking, “what!? No!” He sputters, “I barely know him-”

“Whatever you say,” Dohyon sighs.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


“You’ve folded and unfolded that shirt like a hundred times, are you that serious about folding?”

Seungyoun laughs, but the sound is forced, and finally he places the shirt into his suitcase.

“It’s just...weird,” he begins, Hangyuls quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“I feel like I’m packing for a trip right now...like we’re gonna go back to Japan or something,” he laughs quietly, Hangyul feels his throat tighten.

“We’ll all be in the same hotel, you and me will be roommates like always. Hyeongjun will probably visit our room, maybe Yohan and Dohyon too. In the morning we’ll eat breakfast together, and by the end of the night we’ll fall asleep in the same place again.”

Hangyul’s quiet, he isn’t sure he’d be able to speak if he tried. He notices the way the corners of Seungyoun’s lips tremble, he takes a deep breath.

“But that isn’t what’s happening,” he whispers, “I’m moving out, you’re moving out, we’re all moving to different places.”

Finally, Hangyul sees Seungyoun’s facade crack as a tear spills down his cheek, and it feels like a knife in his heart.

Moments like these make him wish he was more like Seungyoun. 

Because Seungyoun would be kind and warm, and Hangyul can only sit arms length away and hate himself for being useless.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


His name spills out of the speakers, there’s cheers all around him, hands shaking and patting him, telling him he  _ made it. _

Everything feels too warm, too bright, his head feels fuzzy with excitement.

_ “Me?” _ he says at some point, he still can’t believe it, he still doesn’t know what to think.

The faces around him blur, a mass of bodies congratulating him, but he can barely even register  _ why _ he’s being congratulated. It all feels so strange, he doesn’t know how to react.

He makes his way through the faces of people he’s grown to love, but he can’t make out who they are right now, all blended together in ways he can’t decipher.

At the end of the tunnel, his vision clears.

Hangyul has spent the entirety of the filming of Produce X 101 convincing himself that he only  _ admired _ Seungyoun. But as he looks forward, and only Seungyoun’s face stands out in the crowd, only Seungyoun’s bright smile shows through, it all makes sense.

Hangyul knows there are people around him congratulating him, but all he can see is Seungyoun. He can’t make out the face beside him, but he can see the stars in Seungyoun’s eyes, and the way his smile is spread impossibly wide.

Hangyul keeps walking, until finally he falls into the older’s arms.

“You made it,” Seungyoun says sweetly, and Hangyul’s heard those words a 100 times just in the last minute, but Seungyoun makes him feel like flying.

He can’t reply, he just laughs, gripping the older tighter.

And when Seungyoun’s name gets called, and he hugs the other from the top of the stairs, he feels like nothing can bring him down.

With Seungyoun in his arms, and the promise to be together for years, he feels like life is finally on his side.

The future looks brighter than ever.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


Hangyul passes Seungyoun a tissue, which the older reluctantly accepts.

“I shouldn’t be crying, I told myself I wouldn’t,” he says, all the while sobbing, Hangyul sits beside him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

“Did you know I talked to Seungwoo?” he mumbles softly.

“He- he told me he couldn’t even face us. He told me to apologize  _ for _ him ‘cause he felt like he’d let us down so badly.”

Hangyul’s throat twists painfully,

“Seungwoo who called the company to ask for the chance to let us share our opinions, Seungwoo who tried his hardest to keep us together. He barely even looked at me ‘cause he’s so ashamed, how fucked is that?”

Hangyul takes his free hand and holds the older’s, Seungyoun takes a breath.

“I keep thinking about how hard Hyeongjun cried when we got the news, I keep thinking about how upset everyone is, I keep thinking about all of us going our separate ways, not even being able to comfort each other.”

“Me too,” Hangyul finally speaks, “I don’t- I don’t want everyone hurting like this without each other.”

Seungyoun’s eyes well up again, “and now I’m here packing my fucking bag to move out. We were supposed to have years.”

Seungyoun wipes his eyes, staring blankly forward. Hangyul can feel the way he’s shaking in his hold, it makes his heart squeeze painfully.

“I always knew our time together was like sand in an hourglass. We’ve always known we had a time limit, I accepted that,” he inhales shakily, and Hangyul holds his breath as he waits for the older to finish.

“But it feels like I’ve been watching sand slowly fall, and suddenly I blinked and the last piece was gone.”

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


They order food in for dinner their first day at the dorms.

They’re on the phone with the 5th restaurant, the kids are yelling what they want, and Wooseoks relaying it to the poor employee on the other side.

“Aren’t we getting a lot?” Hangyul questions, Dohyon glares at him.

“It’s our first proper family dinner,” Seungyoun smiles, “it has to be a feast.”

Hangyul isn’t complaining, he always appreciates food.

Plus, it’s kind of impossible for him to say anything when Seungyoun smiles at him like  _ that _ .

“Family dinner~” Hyeongjun sings happily, dropping himself onto Seungyoun - who’s sitting beside Hangyul.

“Oof-” Seungyoun gasps, trying to manage Hyeongjun’s weight, Hyeongjun just laughs and clings to him like a koala.

And when the food arrives, once they’ve finished setting up - they circle around the table.

“I wanna say something before we eat,” Seungwoo says, everyone groans.

“It won’t be long,” he laughs, ruffling Dohyon’s hair.

“I just wanna say that I’m glad to have debuted with you guys, I’m glad you trusted me enough to make me your leader, I’m glad to have met you, and I’m excited to spend the next 5 years together.”

Seungwoo hides his face in embarrassment when they all clap obnoxiously.

_ “That’s our leader!” _ Minhee cheers.

_ “I love you hyung!” _ Dongpyo throws finger hearts.

And they’re all laughing, it’s overwhelmingly bright.

Hangyul makes eye contact with Seungyoun across the table, his smile is impossibly fond.

The food is perfect, everyone’s laughing and talking and Hangyul can only describe it all with one word,  _ happiness _ .

In that moment, he decides that those months of struggling during Produce X 101 were worth it. 

He can’t wait for the next 5 years.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


Despite Seungyoun’s protests that he still needed to finish packing, Hangyul managed to convince him to sleep.

_ “You can finish packing tomorrow, It’ll be okay.” _

But when Seungyoun comes back from washing up, he starts to make his way to his bed before Hangyul grabs his arm.

“Just for tonight,” he mumbles shly, “just ‘cause I think you need someone right now…”

His shyness and lack of honesty makes Seungyoun smile, and without any refusal - he climbs into Hangyul’s bed.

They’re quiet for a minute, laying on their sides, facing each other - before Seungyoun speaks.

“I don’t want to sleep,” he whispers.

The clock shows 4am, everyone should be asleep by now, but Hangyul assumes they’re all in a similar boat.

“I don’t want tomorrow to come,” Seungyoun’s voice cracks., “I don’t want everyone to leave.”

Hangyul doesn’t think he’ll be able to speak if he tries, his eyes welling up, so he wraps his arms around Seungyoun instead.

He feels Seungyoun relax into his arms and take a deep breath, “can we talk for a bit longer?” he asks gently, Hangyul nods.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


The showcon passes in a daze, and when Hangyul comes to he’s sweating and his face is starting to hurt from the force of his smile.

“We did it!” Dongpyo cheers, “We debuted!”

Eunsang and Dongpyo hold hands and jump around, Hangyul watches them quietly, his chest filled with an impossible amount of fondness.

Hyeongjun and Seungyoun are hugging beside him, with Dohyon trying to join in. Wooseok and Seungwoo are standing together - Seungwoo patting the younger on the back. Minhee and Junho are talking brightly amongst themselves about the excitement of everything that had happened.

“You look happy,” Yohan says from beside him, an equally happy expression.

Hangyul scoffs, “aren’t we all?”

“Well there’s gonna be even happier moments in the future,” Yohan smiles, “We’re gonna do things even bigger than this, its crazy.”

Hangyul looks around at everyone, members he’s grown to adore in such a short amount of time, they’re all smiling.

He can’t imagine being happier.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


When Hangyul wakes up, Seungyoun is nowhere to be found.

His heart drops with momentary fear that the other has left already, but then he sees Seungyoun’s suitcase, still not fully packed. He releases a breath.

Seungyoun enters the room, “you’re awake,” he says, a soft smile on his face.

“What were you doing?” he asks, his voice scratchy with sleep.

“Hyeongjun was crying, Junho came in here to get me to help,” he says quietly, Hangyul’s chest tightens.

“He’s really upset, huh?”

“Yah, he was crying his little eyes out, I nearly cried too, but I’m a strong big brother so,” he puffs his chest. 

Hangyul snorts, “as if you weren’t crying into my arms last night,” 

“Hey, no bullying,” Seungyoun pouts, slipping back into Hangyul’s bed.

Hangyul laughs, before continuing the conversation, “is he okay now?”

“Yah,” he smiles, “Yohan and Dongpyo heard the commotion and brought him back to their room, they’re a sad little cuddle pile in Yohan’s bed now.”

Seungyoun’s description makes him snort, but the thought makes his heart hurt.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, slowly inching closer to each other, until they’re fully tangled under Hangyul’s covers.

“Hey…” Hangyul begins quietly.

“Hey,” Seungyoun replies from his spot - nestled into Hangyul’s shoulder.

“We’ll still be friends after this, right?”

Seungyoun stills for a moment, and it makes Hangyul nervous, but then he hits his arm.

“Ouch!” Hangyul squeeks, “what-”

“Of course we will be, why would you even ask that?” he sounds annoyed, but mostly sad, Hangyul feels his chest twist.

“I’m just...worried,” he whispers.

“Well just know that I’m not letting any of you guys go,” he says matter-of-factly, “it’s not everyday that I meet an entire group of losers, you guys are special.”

Hangyul laughs, his arms tightening around Seungyoun.

Part of him wants to ask if they could ever be more than friends after this, but he knows it isn’t that right time. Things are too weird right now, they’re all too sensitive, he needs to leave it be.

Seungyoun’s fingers playing with his hair makes his resolve harder to keep.

He wants to hold his face, kiss him like he’s wanted to since they practiced love shot together. He wants to hold Seungyoun like this everyday, he wants to take away all his hurt, to love him openly.

He doesn’t want to let go of him, he doesn’t want to wake up every morning without Seungyoun beside him, he doesn’t want to move on without Seungyoun’s hand in his.

But he sticks to just holding him like he can, while he can.

After all, he isn’t sure when the next time will be.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


It’s the day of their shooting for their new music video.

It’s been a long time since they’ve gotten to do something as a group like this, for a long time they’ve been anxiously awaiting their next step.

For a long time they’ve been worried they wouldn’t have one.

The filming feels like light, and Hangyul can’t explain the bliss he feels just from being there with the members.

They’ve all been extra excited, feeling like today was a sign that things could be changing.

“Finally It’s our comeback!” Hyeongjun cheers into the camera, filming for the behind the scenes that would eventually be released.

“How’re you feeling today?” he asks Yohan who’s getting his makeup done.

“I didn’t get to show much last time due to my injury, but this time I’ll do way better,” he smiles, the finishing touches being added to his look.

Hyeongjun goes around asking the members about their feelings, and everyone’s extra excited, ready more than ever to prove themselves.

“Hangyul hyung!” Hyeongjun calls finally, running his way, “how’re you feeling today?”

Hangyul thinks for a half a second, about the people around him who he loves, about the dream his always dreamt, about the people waiting for him.

“I can’t wait,” he smiles, and looking at the camera he confidently states  _ “we’ll blow your expectations out of the water.” _

Hyeongjun turns the camera off and laughs, “I’m so excited,” he says, his expression giddy.

“It’s been so long,” Wooseok groans, Tan held snugly in his arms, “I want to start promoting again already.”

“I’m so done with the social media ban,” Dongpyo whines, “I have so many pictures that I want to post!”

Seungwoo pats his head, “just wait a little longer,” he smiles, “this’ll all be over before you know it, then we can go back to normal.”

“Soon we’ll be able to think of this point in our career as just a memory,” Seungyoun grins, Hangyul finds himself smiling too.

“We need all the members on the set!” the director calls, they start to make their way over.

“Should we do a cheer?” Minhee asks happily, the members circle up.

“1, 2, 3” Seungwoo counts, they’re all smiling, their hands touching in the centre.

“Fly high!”

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


When Hangyul exits the bathroom, Seungyoun’s suitcase is fully packed.

The image makes him nervous.

“Hey,” Seungyoun greets him, smiling slightly, fiddling with his suitcase.

“You look like you’re about to unpack it,” Hangyul laughs forcibly.

“I want to,” Seungyoun replies, laughing just as stiffly.

It’s quiet as Hangyul goes to his side of the room, gaze landing on his own suitcase, still completely empty, he’s scared to touch it.

He reaches out, hand gripping the handle. There’s no sudden  _ crack _ , nothing explodes, nothing happens  _ really _ .

But something shifts in Hangyul’s mind.

It feels like coming to terms.

“I’ve been thinking,” he starts, quietly, not yet facing Seungyoun.

“About?” he hears the other reply after a pause, he keeps looking at his suitcase.

“You said this was like sand in an hourglass,” he speaks breathlessly, his throat is tightening but he forces himself to continue, “you said it felt like you saw the last piece fall.”

Its silent, Hangyul’s sure Seungyoun is waiting for him to continue. He takes a deep breath and turns around.

“But it just- it made me think,” he speaks quickly, his eyes are starting to water, his voice sounds shaky, Seungyoun is looking at him with the saddest expression he’s ever seen on his face.

“Isn’t the point of hourglasses that you can flip them, and it all starts over?”

He steps closer to Seungyoun carefully, inching forward, until he’s holding his hand, gripping it tightly.

“So maybe on one side our sands run out but- but doesn’t that just mean that once we flip it it’ll start over?”

Seungyoun sobs, Hangyul feels tears finally spill.

“I hate everything about this, I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to leave the others,” He cries, and Seungyoun pulls him into a hug.

“But maybe,” he says shakily, leaning into Seungyoun as much as he can, “ _ maybe _ we can flip this and start all over.”

“Of course we can,” Seungyoun replies, his voice cracking, “we’re gonna fly high, remember? We said it so we have to.”

“Yah,” Hangyul cries, “yah, we have to.”

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


“They said that we can’t come to the meeting,” Seungwoo grits out, sitting down and putting his face into his hands.

“We aren’t gonna be disbanded, right?” Junho asks softly, everyone stays quiet.

Fear is heavy in the room, making the air thick and nearly unbearable. Hangyul struggles to breath, feeling his hands shake - he rings them nervously.

“Everything will work out,” Seungyoun says gently, patting Junho’s back. The sentiment is there, and although they’re all desperately gripping to that last strand of hope, it’s obvious that they’re struggling to believe it.

Hyeongjun sniffs, “they told us we’d continue,” he grips his pants, “I don’t want to leave you guys.”

Eunsang quietly holds Hyeongjun’s hand, “we won’t be apart,” he says gently, Hangyul feels Dohyon’s shaky hand hold his arm, he places his hand on the younger’s.

“I’ve been really happy,” Wooseok says gently, “every day with you guys- it’s been happy, I don’t want to be apart either so let’s hope for the best, okay?”

Hangyul can feel Seungyoun shaking beside him, he reaches his hand out and intertwines theirs.

It only takes 10 minutes for everything to change.

  
  
  


//

  
  
  


“You’re sure you have everything?” Hangyul asks for the 100th time, watching as Seungyoun moves closer to the company car sent to pick him up.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Seungyoun laughs, “if I go up there one more time I won’t be able to leave anyway.”

“That’s what we’re hoping for,” Hyeongjun sniffs, Seungyoun pats his cheek with a smile.

By this point, half of the members have already left. The only ones still there to see Seungyoun off being Hangyul, Dohyon, Hyeongjun, Minhee and Seungwoo.

Seungwoo said he wouldn’t leave until everyone else had, Hangyul can’t imagine a better leader.

“We’ll still see each other, okay?” Seungyoun says sweetly, his expression bittersweet.

“I’m catching a cab to your place when I’m sad,” Hyeongjun mumbles, “and when you’re sad.”

Seungyoun laughs, hugging the younger tightly.

Seungyoun says his goodbyes to the rest of the members one by one, and finishes with Hangyul.

“Come by soon, okay?” he says gently, “it’ll be weird not seeing your ugly face in the morning.”

Hangyul hits him on the arm, “the room will be quiet without your obnoxious singing.”

“How will we survive,” Seungyoun laughs, and Hangyul smiles despite the wobble at the corners of his lips.

“See you later,” Seungyoun says, waving at them all as he walks towards the car, “text me whenever, okay?”

And they watch as he gets in, waving until he’s out of sight, and slowly they walk back into the dorm, preparing for the next goodbye.

Hangyul watches a little longer, and in his head he pictures an hourglass being reset.

He takes a deep breath, and walks back into the dorm, preparing for the next  _ hello _ .

  
  
  


//

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ “We love you, X1 members. We’re still one.” _

  * _Lee Hangyul_



  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> X1's disbandment has been really hard for me, and I'm sure you can all relate. I've been wanting to write this for a while to get my feelings out but Seungyoun and Hangyul's recent selfie together was the final push i needed.
> 
> anyway, things are tough right now, but I hope you will all take care of yourselves! I want to believe that this isn't the end, so lets continue to fight for them, until we can flip the hourglass<3


End file.
